16 April 2006
"And I realised.. there is no eternity. If it stays, it stays. And if it doesn't, it doesn't."
That moment stretched forever.
The expressway was stretched out straight in front of us. The wind was against our cheeks and hair. I was speeding. The car working furiously. Few cars were in sight. Our chairs leaned further than they would usually be, under the effects of alcohol.
I barely drank. But I kept to the police's advice at the roadblock. I stayed over and slept for a good thirty minutes.
It was cold outside. I played Coltrane on the stereo. His saxophone beat the hard sounds of the ignition and the wind. I took the usual route back.
4a.m. is like my witching hour. The ghosts of my mind confronting me. Thoughts scatter. I can't sleep.
I hate this but I love this.
I fall into a deep sleep. And I wake up only at 3 in the noon.
I have no routine to fall into. No schedule to adhere to. I feel free but fearful. Liberated but lost. Excited, but essentially empty.
It's freedom time. But also back to infrequent paydates and real work payouts.
D woke up at 4/16/2006 02:31:00 AM [comment]
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