26 December 2012

當時午後的陽光轟著房間
我說的話被冷氣機的雜音掩埋

有時候,感情過期了才能感受
像是手裡的煙
吸了半支才能飄然


D woke up at 12/26/2012 12:41:00 AM [comment]

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25 December 2012

By the 25th of December, I am wordless and exhausted. And there's nothing more valuable than the profound loss of an ability to express myself.

I'm five days away from turning 27, and it is comforting that there's the night where one can finally rest and sleep.


D woke up at 12/25/2012 03:50:00 AM [comment]

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I feel a light drizzle, close to four hours into Christmas Day. How long have I been out in the garden?

It's not that bad when you can still articulate your sadness. Words don't always find themselves into me lately though.

I look forward the blue hue that would invade my room in a few moments. If it's cloudy or sunny, and it doesn't rain.


D woke up at 12/25/2012 03:37:00 AM [comment]

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I haven't bought cigarettes or smoked in a year but my body craves for that lightness. I drove to a friend's place after work. Whiskey, single malt, on the rocks. The woody flavor felt a lot like the grassy scent on my fingers after the smoke extinguishes. It lingers in my tongue and my memory.

I drive home with the windows down, and the cool breeze reminds me of March, in Taipei. Still wintry and chilly in the night. My head is light. A can of beer accompanies me tonight. I sit out in the yard, lights turned out, wrapped in the stolen yellows and whites from the street lamps. I could sleep in the garden tonight.

I look up onto the second floor and I see my parents' window. "Hey Mom I miss you. My friends came over for a party last night, and an old lady walked by on the path and asked what was going on in the house as we were setting up. My friends told her we were having a dinner and she asked if she could join. We agreed. We started dinner at sunset when the doorbell rang, the time we told her when our dinner would start. But there was no one at the door. Was that you? I wished she'd joined."

it's so cool out here I might catch a cold. I am thinking about the year, but I cannot get past its endings. I skip the few beginnings, as I'm uncertain of their meaning. But I know for sure what the endings meant. I am cold, and I pull down my sleeves. I think about the year and I cannot get past thoughts of hiding, of running, on dry crisp grass, sunburnt and staring at ravishing sunsets. I am a shadow.

The air is still chilly. I could sleep here tonight. I might catch a cold, I don't know, but I feel warm inside and it's inexplicably beautiful.

There's hardly a sound. Maybe chattering, it's Christmas after all. Imagined sounds of the wind. Hollow but light. Like my head, and the scenes of the year that would rush by when i shut my eyes.


D woke up at 12/25/2012 03:02:00 AM [comment]

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14 December 2012

媽媽離開後,只剩下我和爸爸一起上佛堂。
某個星期有唱歌的活動。
小時候的禮拜六都在講堂度過
所以我腦子裡很多優美純淨的佛曲旋律。
爸爸現任廠務,控制播放歌詞的電腦。
我坐在拜墊上,他和我有一段距離。
居士們開始點歌,
爸爸突然說想唱某首歌曲。
我很驚訝。
媽媽的歌喉很好,但爸爸我就不敢恭維。
而因為他是我爸爸,
我也一直忘了他有歌曲的偏好 -
這是人人都俱備的。
那天他提出了驚人的選擇,然後突然望向我,
露出他掉了、空缺的門牙。
那是慢動作的一顰一笑。

我莫名的想要記得那片刻。
知道有一天他的這一笑會回來找我。
像媽媽在病榻上的那個午後的無奈。
媽媽在台北透過我的宿舍樓下的公共電話筒的聲音。
今晚我夜歸,爸爸沒有把房門關上,
我也開著房門,靜靜聽著他
那比媽媽小好多分貝的鼾聲。



D woke up at 12/14/2012 01:30:00 AM [comment]

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