25 June 2014

夜深,處理好作業
又開始思考。

剛來倫敦,正是夏天
轉眼間冬天也過去了
春天也悄然的變成盛夏。

喜歡倫敦的夏天還殘留著春天的寒意。

今晚想著媽媽 29 歲時的模樣
她的生活、她的理想。
那時的她應該已是哥哥們的母親
體驗著她喜歡的家庭、幼教的生活吧。
雖然我相信她不一定過的快樂
畢竟家婆對她的偏見、爸爸家庭施加的壓力。

當時的她或許也閃過對「人生意義」的質疑。

但我想著她抱著理想與愛護家庭的任性
咬緊牙根省吃儉用,
與我揮霍的個性,
真是慚愧。

29 歲的媽媽,腦子裡想的是什麼?

我也只能揣測與好奇。


D woke up at 6/25/2014 07:48:00 AM [comment]

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19 June 2014

the leaves rustle as a reaction
my afterthought
last night in the garden
was of shifting clouds and the obscured stars
this afternoon, the cutting of light by the fence
i was reminded of firsts
loves, coffee, nicotine
the lightness of being
as i told you the name i intended to use
'being on water'
transient and reflective, light and almost impossible.


D woke up at 6/19/2014 04:00:00 AM [comment]

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05 June 2014

Another chilly night and I'm buzzed from a few pints with S talking about his relationship and it not working out the way most relationships are expected to. He offered me a cigarrette before boarding the bus that would take him one stop away to home. The rain falls heavier after he leaves. I draw long drags from the stick of nicotine, my head floating past the night into a history not too far away from me. When I was 24 again and C told me he is smoking so fast, fellow smoker friends said he would die earlier than anyone else. C taught me to appreciate the smell of smoke on someone's fingers. I recall all the deep dark nights in London, the quietness of opening my window and letting the night air in. It's chilly, not what I expected of summer, but in a nice way. I didn't want to be reminded of our equatorial island by the weather. The nights of hearing the birds cry were the nights I fell repeated in love with this city, where I gave myself concessions to be astray, to be someone I never thought I would be. But here I am, humming a tune in my head, talking about farewells and how people here were used to them, looking at people on the night buse, each weighed down by their own events of the day and looking forward to the hot shower waiting for them at the end of a long journey. The light in the bus illuminated their weariness, and they looked as far away as where I thought they would have come from. Have I arrived? Or is this merely the beginning?


D woke up at 6/05/2014 08:21:00 AM [comment]

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01 June 2014

The last wine we had today was called Dolce Naturale. And it was a sweet end to the afternoon of laughs and a whole new realm of knowledge. The beginning of the next half of the year approaches. Maybe the name says it all. Sweetness will come, naturally and eventually. I thought about the last moments, our last breaths. Hopefully we will close our eyes and think of the red cherries, or dates, or raisins, the scarlet of our lives a deep and delicious sweetness.


D woke up at 6/01/2014 01:55:00 AM [comment]

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