08 October 2008

We were swimming today when the sun gave way to the dusky leaden clouds. We persisted on the deck chairs but the sporadic yet obese raindrops fell like pellets to our faces and we decided to seek solace in a hot sauna room. He left after we debated if the rocks on the sauna machine was hot enough for the water. (I felt it wasn't but he continued pouring ladles of water anyway.) That was when I was alone in the sauna room that took its time to heat. It's been a while since I've been left alone anywhere. And I just thought I needed to remember that I had these two hours spent truly alone, alternating from the profuse perspiration in the sauna room to the casual cool of the pool in the drizzle, because it is times like this that I am reminded that sensations, regardless of intensity, would fade.

***

Over lunch, D commented that after moving in with J, he could no longer spend the night at his own home. He was unused to sleeping alone. I was happy for them and a little hopeful also that I would someday be unaccustomed to my single pillow and duvet. I started sketching an architectural interior of our house and allocated private areas that would belong to each of us. Yours would be filled with movies, mine with pictures and books. Our common space was music, and hence a sound system, perhaps, beside the bed. C appealed we should never forsake the east. How could I? - it is where the coast, the shoreline is.

***

When we returned and sat together on the concrete bench, I saw you smile like it was the first time. Who would have thought that more than a year later, we would have to throw all our plugs into the water, but unlike the anglers, we leave them unattached... to submerge. We didn't wait for the lighthouse. We no longer needed its directions.

At that moment, I was overjoyed because I knew that we were healed.




D woke up at 10/08/2008 07:57:00 PM [comment]

* * * *