25 December 2012

I haven't bought cigarettes or smoked in a year but my body craves for that lightness. I drove to a friend's place after work. Whiskey, single malt, on the rocks. The woody flavor felt a lot like the grassy scent on my fingers after the smoke extinguishes. It lingers in my tongue and my memory.

I drive home with the windows down, and the cool breeze reminds me of March, in Taipei. Still wintry and chilly in the night. My head is light. A can of beer accompanies me tonight. I sit out in the yard, lights turned out, wrapped in the stolen yellows and whites from the street lamps. I could sleep in the garden tonight.

I look up onto the second floor and I see my parents' window. "Hey Mom I miss you. My friends came over for a party last night, and an old lady walked by on the path and asked what was going on in the house as we were setting up. My friends told her we were having a dinner and she asked if she could join. We agreed. We started dinner at sunset when the doorbell rang, the time we told her when our dinner would start. But there was no one at the door. Was that you? I wished she'd joined."

it's so cool out here I might catch a cold. I am thinking about the year, but I cannot get past its endings. I skip the few beginnings, as I'm uncertain of their meaning. But I know for sure what the endings meant. I am cold, and I pull down my sleeves. I think about the year and I cannot get past thoughts of hiding, of running, on dry crisp grass, sunburnt and staring at ravishing sunsets. I am a shadow.

The air is still chilly. I could sleep here tonight. I might catch a cold, I don't know, but I feel warm inside and it's inexplicably beautiful.

There's hardly a sound. Maybe chattering, it's Christmas after all. Imagined sounds of the wind. Hollow but light. Like my head, and the scenes of the year that would rush by when i shut my eyes.

D woke up at 12/25/2012 03:02:00 AM [comment]

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